Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
