It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
50% drunk capacity currently
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
