i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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