Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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