girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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