Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
