Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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