Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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