These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
