then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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