I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
