A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
