i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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