Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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