as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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