Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize