Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
