so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Randomize
