you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
