i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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