the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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