so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
