theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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