I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
