I just pynch a tree in the face
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
