You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
