There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
