At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
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So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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