Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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