Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
