Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
