her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
