Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
