plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
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Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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