We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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