I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
