I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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