i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize