Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
