So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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