You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
