your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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