i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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