Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
