I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
