im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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