Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
