Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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