We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
