you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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