I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
