When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
