4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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