Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

(718): View more from New York

pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel

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(330): View more from Ohio

98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk

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(817): View more from Texas

Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.

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(631): View more from New York

I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃

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(702): View more from Nevada

She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.

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