Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
