All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
