i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
