she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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