talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
