I can tuck mytits in my pants
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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