I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think I won the penis lottery.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
