My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
