he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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