dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
