We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Couch. On fire.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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