Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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