So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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