happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
