I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
