I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
