I think my vagina is haunted
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
