So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
