Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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