WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
