my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
