First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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