wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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