We named our party play list daddy issues
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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