I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm passing your future prison.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
did i walk over a car last night?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
