Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
