Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
