I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
